Updated: May 12
When clients come to me for coaching, they want to improve a relationship. That relationship can be with themselves, with a parent/child or of a romantic nature.
Even though individual motivations differ, they all have one thing in common. That is, the standards against which they uphold themselves.
And let me tell you, it’s a pretty high one.
When they talk about how they would like to show up for their loved ones, they don't usually describe being a good enough partner, parent, daughter, son etc.
They often describe being the perfect partner, parent, child etc. The one who meets their partner/parent/child’s every need. The parent/partner/child that is able to be present 100% of the time, relaxed, on the ball.
Striving for perfection is problematic. We always set ourselves up for failure because as human beings we are not perfect. It is exactly our imperfection that makes us human.
In this case, it is even more problematic . That is because there is no consideration for how much they actually show up for themselves.
You’ve probably heard the popular saying that goes ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’.
Let me ask you, how can you expect to show up for others if you don’t know how to or don’t prioritise how you show up for yourself?
Wanting to show up fully for others is very commendable. But it requires the right mindset and tools to be able to do so. And that starts with you.
So often there is a pressure that comes with wanting to be the best version of ourselves for others. There is also guilt when we fail to deliver or meet others or our own expectations.
Showing up for others because we feel a sense of ‘should’ or duty when we are depleted only breeds anxiety.
Showing up for others because we are attached to how good it makes us feel about ourselves only breeds resentment.
This would long term affect any relationship.
The truth is, like anything you cannot model showing up for others fully if you don’t learn and practise first showing up for yourself.
Imagine showing up fully for others in a way that feels effortless, easy, satisfying and replenishing to you instead of feeling drained and like you have to?
How different would you feel and how different would your life be?
If you start showing up for yourself more, you will notice a shift. Instead of pushing though to get to the end of the day or week, you will enjoy and be present in your life.
And being present is what fosters connection. And connection is what all relationships thrive under.
If you are ready to turn your relationship challenges into opportunities to create effortless, satisfying, and replenishing relationships, I have availability to start working together 1:1 this month. Get in touch to discuss options.