Here is why this keeps happening to you
Updated: May 12
Regardless of the specifics, coaching clients first come to me wondering why they are still stuck in this place, facing the same issue over and over.
And the first question they usually ask is why does this keep happening to me? Why am I still stuck in the same place despite having worked really hard not to be?
The answer I most often give is because what’s getting in your way is not conscious to you.
Believe me, if it was, you would have figured out by now.
For many, speaking of the unconscious can seem like quite frightening thing. Our conscious and rational mind wants to feel in control or at least project a sense of control. Hence why anything that is unknown can feel really scary.
We imagine the unconscious to be this very dark place where all reprehensible thoughts and feelings are stored.
But what it is, is the sum of all the feelings, emotions, experiences, beliefs we hold about ourselves, others and the world around us. But that we are simply not aware of. It’s not all that dark. But it feels like it is.
But by not being aware of it, the unconscious governs how we act in the world. That is because consciously we try to keep it hidden even if we don’t know that it’s really that bad. Just because we fear it might be really bad, really reprehensible.
This is why the unconscious has such a powerful influence on us.
It’s like the background story running your life. Without you being aware of it.
But what we often don’t realise is that most of it is probably not that bad, or doesn’t necessarily belong to us. We inherited it from our parents, our family, our cultures and our collective identity.
When we don’t understand this, or acknowledge the role the unconscious plays in our life, we spend our time going round in circles.
This is why so many of my clients come to me having previously experienced therapy or other more traditional forms of coaching.
Most dominant therapy and coaching approaches nowadays focus on the conscious mind. We discuss pros and cons. We find ways to re-programme our negative thoughts. We work on having a positive attitude or mindset etc.
While I don’t believe these to be damaging long term, these tools don’t work long term.
That is because they fail to address the unconscious beliefs, stories, we hold that are causing us to face the problem in the first place.
The key to get unstuck is to start exploring what we are not conscious of that is ready to be integrate and assimilated. This is not a process that can be rushed, or be done alone, at least at the beginning.
This work is best done with a qualified and experienced Jungian Life Coach.
When you choose to become curious about what’s keeping you stuck and decide to delve into the realm of the unconscious, you send a powerful message to your psyche.
You take the first steps in addressing our fears, insecurities and vulnerabilities.
And when you do so, you:
develop more self-compassion, acceptance for yourself
start feeling more like yourself, and at peace with who you are
no longer react defensively and impulsively but instead take decisions that are intentional for the life or relationship you truly desire
will see your relationships flourish because you start owning your desires and expressing them authentically
feel like anything is possible because you will have addressed the fears that were holding the limiting pattern in place
It is not easy work, but the transformation really is incredible.
Like one of my clients recently reported to me (shared with permission): “I feel truly transformed by your thoughtful, easy way of unpacking blocks and resistance (incredible you were able to help me uncover that since my long-term therapist couldn’t!) AD, USA.
If you’re ready to explore what’s going on internally for you that is being reflected through the relationship or life challenges you currently face so you can feel peace, excitement and agency over your life, I am currently taking on 1:1 client starting this March for 4- or 6-months coaching.
The support includes:
- 4 or 6 months of high-touch coaching
- 8 or 12 x 45mins coaching calls
- Email check-ins between sessions
- Option to include unlimited Voxer Support Monday-Friday
- Access to all events I organise during our time together
To express an interest, email me here.
