Last month, surrounded by love in the city that brought us together seven years ago, my partner and I celebrated our marriage. It was an incredibly special day, one in which I felt more present, happy, and conscious than ever before. The support, love, and care from our friends and family were invaluable as we embarked on this new journey as husband and wife.
While many brides-to-be may focus on the logistics of their perfect day, I took a different approach. I turned inward, just as I encourage my coaching clients to do. In the six months leading up to our wedding, I embarked on a profound reflection about marriage and addressed all the fears I had about making this commitment.
You might wonder, why marry when we already live and parent together? "Because we love each other" seems too simplistic. Marriage demands more than just love. It requires commitment, dedication, and personal responsibility. The best gift we can give ourselves, our partners, and our marriage is to consciously enter into it.
In my own journey, I confronted a personal struggle with relationship anxiety and fearful avoidance. As a relationship coach informed by the Jungian tradition, I believe in not taking fears or anxiety at face value, but instead try to uncover their subtle messages in order to grow individually and as a couple.
So daily, sometimes even several times a day for the last six months since getting engaged, I addressed all my fears, anxieties, and worries about marriage one by one, using the triggers emerging from within and in my relationship to help me move through one layer of inner work at a time.
The transition from being a maiden to a wife was a journey not just in committing to my partner and our relationship but also in committing to my own personal growth. It required me to delve deep into my inner world and face my own fears and insecurities. Just as I do for my coaching clients during our sessions, I compassionately and curiously held space for all aspects of myself so they could be heard curiously and compassionately. Through this journey, I emerged more certain and conscious than ever before. I am filled with excitement and gratitude for having found such a wonderful partner with whom I can navigate life.
If you're in your 30s or 40s and recently got engaged but are feeling anxious about marriage, this may be your call to get to know yourself better. If you buy into the mainstream idea that ‘doubts mean don't,’ you will miss out on an opportunity to connect with all parts of you that are ready to be integrated so you can emerge more confident and clearer and wholeheartedly say "yes" to deepening your commitment to your relationship.
Are you ready to start your journey to conscious commitment? I will be hosting a free masterclass on "From Insecurity to Intimacy: Navigating Conscious Commitment”. Just email me on mariam@holisticallymecoaching.com to express your interest in attending and to receive details.
